Lyea ES for you

2011-05-14T23:56:00.003+08:00

i just wanna say something before i officially delete it. i know this day gonna come, where thousands of questions building up in my mind, where no one can ease my mind, where everything is just a question. i realised that after all these years, what i get is always the opposite of what i want. i tolerate for a living, i have no problem with that but somehow, can it be my time? just once, can it be like im living too? can i be reminded that im human too with needs and desires? tonight i'll sleep it off when usually i would try to make amend of it, when usually i tolerate, when usually i am the one who actually went to you. yes i did, dont even try to deny it. i hate it, thats why i want it to over but tonight, no i wont. no i wont. i'll let you do it. and yes, i know the consequences, either you'll come up to me or not, its your choice. i wouldnt try to make amend of everything, im tired.

2010-03-19T10:32:00.004+08:00

know what? i did realise few things a while ago but i didnt have guts to say nor putting it as my excitement. not to mention, to exaggerate the whole thing for being crossing the line. i am the kind of girl who speaks through their presentiment and carry presumptions above my head. new things doesnt go with my flow and i would not feel ashame to say fear sometimes gesture my body till it comes to an halt. i would rather make myself invisible than being drawn attention onto and by having an advantage of ability to cope with nearly none confidence does making it imposibble for myself to uphold my dreams and thus i'll smile seeing my dreams flown away by the wind. chances of making things to be change upbraid me for letting it go. i dont know, its just me. yes, i do know i should have done something to let it go, therefore it would not be such a waste. its an unruly feeling i guess and its making me uneasy. just if someone could listen to me, listen to someone inside me singing songs merrily and not taking them by just a merely responds, i could live listening upon my heart alone. and yes, i do dodge myself from being attracted to it but somehow idk why i cried watching them for willing to show their talents to the world when me, myself on the opposite rather. believe me, sometimes i do feel overwrought for pretending that someday i could do that too. perhaps i could just overdo something in my life for good reasons and let myself just get overjoyed with the flow of life. oh well as you know, life will only comes once, so have it like how you want it to be. :)

and baby, you are the last person on earth that i want to spend my life with. thankyou for being my everything. you are my bestfriend, my shoulder, my laughter, and yes my lalalala love. :) sorry for i being perhaps none to you but i'll be better because no one can love you as much as i am. iloveyou boy ♥

2010-03-06T17:59:00.005+08:00

HAPPY 21st monthsary sweetheart. i may be busy but i wont forget our utmost remarkable day. iloveyou ♥ meeting you is never a regret.

2010-02-21T12:03:00.002+08:00

oh well, of course you do. its because you check my friend list and add them one by one! BULLCRAP. oh yes, STALK me. go to my profile all the time and DUPLICATE. then after, you can expand nauseos flaws behind my back like what you did to them. i love it. :) i see you have times to check all my friend list but excuse me for this, no time for a mirror? oh please, you yourself need some re-attitude or something because all you can do is shitting people's life and i totally absent of ideas why. that people you hate are totally innocent. they dont nag you even a bit. you, its you all along who has this fire-hatred blowing to people. please stop already. when i was younger, i may be fooled by you as i ear one side but now. :) hey, stop okay? just because im here doesnt mean im deaf, doesnt mean im blind. you may have someone else beside you or so, hence you feel stronger. you feel you can leave the one raise around you behind and leave them covered with dirt made by you. just so you know, as you threw dirts upon them, i'll be the one to comfort them. :)

2010-02-06T23:31:00.002+08:00

upon 80's and 5A's in it, a happy family, awesome cousin and lastly my sweet great boyfriend ICKY ♥ what else do i ought to have? Alhamdulillah.

2010-02-04T11:47:00.003+08:00

cant pretend, im feeling jaded but somehow im not leaving. :) iloveyou ICKY ABDUL.

2010-02-01T21:43:00.005+08:00

whats keeping me unawares is my feeling. and its subtle enough to make me breathless, i'd thought it overnight and it seems endless not until my results are out. yes, thinking of my Olevel results really capable to frighten me to death. i need not it to be straight As or whatever, i just need it to be glorify enough for my parents, to please them with even a little bless on their faces. i know they keep telling me that having my last time advanced June Olevel result has keep me in the safe place of taking myself to the next level but come on, i cant pretend that im not thinking the hell out of it. my mind keeps flashing every of my past day. the day when i struggle to at least remember every detail in a most jiffy way, learning how to think fast, how to use my presentiment as my other helping hand. i know everytime i have these hard-to-breath-terrified-of result, my satisfaction is not the first but my parent's is. mentioning of my results suits my capability or even my effort is never seem to be the subject here. but know what? sooner or later, i will definitely know my results, no matter what it'll be and when the day came, i shall smile brightly not by force but by heart. :)

2010-01-25T22:17:00.002+08:00

just if for once, you can listen to me. listen to a girl's heart, feel them through their eyes. Women hearts based on thousands of secret you may or not know about. you might think you know their feelings but no darling, no. =)

2010-01-21T13:52:00.006+08:00

it seems to me its almost two months now since im busy burrowing my nose onto books and it feels so much relieved knowing that i've done most of my to-do list during the interim. frankly saying however i still have the feeling of i-havent-done-enough and i believe everything set in your mind wont be true if you dont have the intention of doing it. the word "fruition" is the lock with the key of intention in you and it is called self-determination. when someone has this strong desire upon something, failure is the least of everything.

why do i feel hollow in every of your word ?

2010-01-12T20:38:00.003+08:00

Henceforth, let me be hypnotized by you. :)

2010-01-12T19:25:00.003+08:00

okay, one word which obviously defines the emotions fumbling me right now is disreputable. yes indeed. How can i make you realise the fact that you brought up a severe assumption which disrupt people who loves you. now that you are in serious danger of crossing the line, it is always me to patch the crack, to silence the craps you made without an option. it is always me to juggle, to clean up all the uncalled-for mess that you made evenly, to be in the middle of your egoism. applause me to put it up through. i know it seems like i took them as a burden, well yes i do as i despise on how your brain works, how you think you're perfectly pure, how you threat people who loves you with an uncouth response and mocking them unbridled, how you love to see other people to suffer while you laugh upon their grief and making it as your entertainment. the way i see it you'll never ever change. you know why? because to you, it is all perfect, perfectly fascinating for you to live in peace. these arent some kind like a piece of work to be proud of. its not even an euphemism of i-dont-care-who-you-are. they are related to you and no matter how bad, how ridiculous they are, still they are related. they are the first one you'll be looking for if ever something happens. please stop mocking others to reflect themselves in the mirror and ask them to grow up because its funny to me, seriously i wish i had the guts to say the same thing to you. it became funnier to me when you were completely clothe yourself up from being jealous, likewise creating an intimate duplication of me secretly and as usual to admit it is the last thing you want to do on this earth. listen, its kinda weird because we used to fly together and now i dont feel like i know you anymore. and believe me, in the end i'll be the only one who can stand up to it so please, open your eyes WIDER.

2009-12-11T12:00:00.002+08:00

i have loads of latent feelings inside me that im holding. i am concern those feelings go against me until even in my not weakest time, those feelings seem to be palpable. To my awareness, those feelings mounted to obstruct. its the feeling i have to indulge my heart. believe me, i would be lying if i say these feelings are inoffensively. i have nowhere else to burst out at. nowhere, i just hope there's a machine to inscribe our feelings at. :')

2009-12-06T14:05:00.001+08:00

baby, happy one year six months anniversary. :) and trust me, im in love with you.

2009-12-06T11:43:00.005+08:00

briefly, you're just too selfish to admit that you did it. All these times, you represent yourself as the one who stood up right in every corner, the one who submitted no sin at all leaving remnant upon others. yeah right, the neatness of your attitude grows pride within me. *roll eyes your modesty does make human ashamed. By the time, you cloud them with every mean words, their feelings is the least of your care. you put yourself above everyone's head, you even scream at the top of your lung just to satisfy yourself and the next thing i know, you burst into tears knowing everyone is ignoring you. what on earth were you thinking? if you dare enough to yell, why shed tears? excuse me for noticing them but i cant help it. you're just too coercive to me. what astound me really, your accusation to others becomes a part of you. i dare not to mention that to you but hey, you are way OLDER than me. =)

2009-12-04T15:22:00.002+08:00

everything is just way too perfect nowadays until i am nowhere to find words to explain it. Every circumstances across me just pass flawlessly, its like a music earing me merrily constantly along with smiles upon everyone's face. You made my day elusively under a perfect emancipation. Strength that you lean me onto has such a great harmonious built in me. i can feel the all the massive screams inside me happened years back, all the heartache which were a pain are all hardly to harsh me nowadays anyhow. pardon me to ask things which are impossible for you to do. i can barely put myself to cease from talking impossible things to you. do you know that upon all things on earth that i wanna do yesterday is just to bring the beach home with me? because seriously in my heart, i want to stay that way. Everything, every single sound. your breath, your heartbeat bond with mine, the wind which blows to our faces, the rushed waves, pebbles across the shore, everything baby everything. =') you fillful every empty column in me with your trendious care. it comes to my sense that you're such a bestfriend to me. every mess that i made were such a correct to you. when everything that i talk were a nonsense to others but you made a hardy understanding about it and i have no idea how you read between the lines, how you always do know things going on when i can hardly even realise.

p/s : thanksyou for everything love ♥

2009-11-13T23:46:00.002+08:00

i know i look way ewwww here. :p

swear to god, i cant think of any reason why im soo unhappy knowing my exam has officially ended few hours back. :( maybe because the deep-seated emotionalism of mine arise to the top arousing its spines. not to mention, it sets me silence but seriously, why on earth would i have crush on my Olevel exam when i know exactly how much i hate it. apakan. well, the point is im soo unhappy. guys, i miss us already. :( i dont want any distance between us. please dont let us separate. please please please. :/

2009-11-02T12:34:00.006+08:00

I do wish to be the clutter of your melodious song. :)

The beautiful scenes beneath my heart wont bother you even in a long run.

2009-11-01T22:26:00.004+08:00

oddly, i feel kinda different. a feeling deep-seated inside me that keeps glowing. im having my exam currently and its going to be ended soon, hence that distract me somehow. i dont want my exams to end. it means there's nothing left to me to study or maybe the feeling of my love towards my study or even fear? whatever it is, this feeling aint right because i usually dislike exam. :p but frankly me, myself have no any idea. these whole weekend been splendid anyhow. :)

p/s : you're the song, i've been trying to sing. :)

2009-10-25T11:36:00.002+08:00

Indeed, its very well uncanny to see how people brag about their things. Questioning people's says, objecting them, putting ridiculous comments on them with innocent rolling eyes, earing shapely sarcastic jokes without even thinking the damage they would have made. but then, the next thing you know is they actually do what they objected at the first place. the one that they used to say a big NO, the one that they used to framed enormous corrections which they thought was the right to say among the rest. i pensively dont know how on earth their brains are actually functioning. i dare not to mention their vex swagggerings part or even how they dig sweet juicy compliments from the others and how they swing their braggart face across people's. way too sane i guess. however willy-nilly, we will have to face them politely and perhaps give them the satisfaction which they crave. :) or whatever. *rolling eyes. :p

p/s : oh addmaths and physics, please date me even for a very short while. :/

not me.

2009-09-14T19:16:00.004+08:00

im not gifted nor brilliant though i stood out with them to you. i may never fail to reach your satisfaction in my whole life and i can prove to you, i worked them out with absolutely out of the word merely. for all these days, i've been listening to the same saying over and over again which makes me sick of it. they put high expectations towards me whereas i dont see myself like what you all see me because i've been working like hell of them. its not a jackpot or such, its a scream within you and it makes your mind goes on fatally whereas you dont actually know what you're thinking. its my own hardwork and of course god's will. sometimes i intentionally fit myself to study whereas you keep doing your work to let me down. im fragile alright yet it is easy for you to say anything but really, what would you do if you were me? and yes, i'll ease my mind and put myself back together on my own after what you've done. thankyou for being SUCH supportive.

this is not the first time but i feel a massive scream inside that i wont let it out. =)

2009-09-09T16:34:00.002+08:00

the word MADNESS

i have 27 more addmaths past year papers to practise and that exclude maths papers as well as other subjects.
work out my rack physics.
BIOLOGY, BIOLOGY, BIOLOGY. past year papers.
seven novels to go. and one of them i could never finish it. the story is superb but i like to skip it.
her me say, addmaths RELATIVE VELOCITY is an uphill indeed.
extract points for notes from three whole computer books.
three addmaths books to cry on.
physics past year papers. i need to improve my paper 2, structured question and trust me i'll feel sleepy doing physics for after 30 minutes. :)

2009-09-09T15:56:00.005+08:00

deadly, i was supposed to be sleeping right now, leaving my body upon rest but somehow, the thought of my exam divert my attention. i keep thinking about my Olevel exam which is just around the corner. although my June result has making me enough to be promoted to a higher level but still it fails to reach my satisfaction unruly.
have you ever feel the intense like you're reaching it but the fear blocks you? and the fear is there insuperable? and now my works is piling up with nowhere near the word cease. i have burdens to stand upon, responsibility to look forward and my dreams to have a go. i know all the hardworking doing will pay off someday. i know it will but the only thing that i dont know is whether it is hard enough or not. for me, this exam worth my lifetime.because all that we have been doing for years since form 1 is judge here. people will just see our result of Os and i know everyone is depending on me, counting on me, waiting me to either fall or to be the one, looking with tedious and smirking eyes upon my good achievement or my faulty. i know my family has a high expectation towards me as i accidentally eavesdropped them talking about me once ago. since then, i feel the strength, the kind of person i have to be or even what i am capable of, the fulfilment that i have to achieve. i have to admit it is inevitable to resist it because it is what i want to be, the one that im born to. i have the opportunity, support, shoulder to lean on, place to question at and so, i shall never fall. i shall make the thousand paces between me and the flawless result be none. :)

2009-08-17T17:27:00.003+08:00

June Olevel result is coming out. i jumbled up my physics paper but that doesnt matter, i better off the edge and focus towards my november Olevel that is coming soon. these kind of feelings is killing me. the word apprehensive does explain. :)

p/s : icky, i'll be waiting for you even if it takes my whole life. ♥

2009-08-12T09:08:00.008+08:00

you need not beg nor plead to something not fascinating to you. seeing others succeed is something real and possible for you to achieve. who are they? they're just mankind, human just like you are. they eat, they talk, they gossip, they flirt. nothing different except one. they do it because of passion, they do it because they were born to it. not for fame. do you know that if you really really into something, i mean really into it like the interest towards is with you all the time unstopped. the obsession blinds you untrully. when you do something even if its incomplete but yet entirely meets your satisfication. eventhough its a simple thing but it blocks your sadness, sorrow, fear. now thats interest, LOVE to something. a desire, a sparkles that wont cease. the one far beyond. loyality im saying. when something uphill seems to be way far a bother to you because what you see is just i-want-do-it. not because of you nor them but yourself, just yourself. that people with interests are different from you because they see what you dont see. they think beyond you. when they're given just one chance on something they into in, they will be able to do something to it. example, they're given a box, just a small box and they're asked to build a house. the non-interest will stretching all their veins screaming with anger. dont bet but next thing you know is a well-designed house standing next to you. be afraid but hackers. how can hackers hack? how on earth they know how to hack? do you know that they bought the same computers as you do? yes, its the interest standing with them. people will simply say "i love computers" no, i dont think they will say computers, they'll say "LAPTOP" because they think saying computers is soo uncool. all im saying is hey, stop pointing your finger to them and start thinking about yourself. its ridiculous when someone flips hair and turning their back into something they like. you dont need someone to show you the way if you're into it. if you like something, you'll see more than others. you have it, USE it. you'll start worrying about it even if just one single day you missed. the important thing is when you see someone actually do it perfectly, it doesnt mean you have to do it the same way like them. they made it because they pain to do it. the world wont see you if you keep doing that because its not your work, its others. so stop duplicating and im telling you this, people know. :)

2009-08-09T19:51:00.004+08:00

RUNNING AWAY ♥

somehow, you make me go away. :) and yes, keep putting the blame on me for that, i love it.

p/s : can i say its breaking now? or you'll still say "later" ?

2009-08-02T01:17:00.001+08:00

just because im always there doesnt mean that im happy. :)

an appreciation. ♥

2009-07-31T01:00:00.002+08:00

my mascara beyond eternity.♥

its amazing to know there's always someone beside us. :)
lets put mascara upon macaroni. yes?

2009-07-29T23:12:00.004+08:00

exam, exam go away. come again never eternity. :/ how nice life is. went for tuition around 5 after extra classes ended around 4, stuck on the road with BBQ pringles and indomilk on my lap. as usual, i didnt manage to update my elephant tummy. so yeah, rushing over everything and leaving my room with a mess. addmaths tuition ends around 7. once i entered the car with my panda ayes, jaded body and exhausted muscles waiting for any pandiculation, mother shot me with this, "kata zizul, result june keluar. tadi ada dalam berita" i was like

p/s : bree, if you read this which i know you will (since you're my first-rate stalker :p) go scream yourself out and dont call me late midnight. :p

2009-07-21T22:28:00.005+08:00

currently im %$&*&(&^^((& indeed i am. :) astonishment blinds me unruly

iloveyou ickyabdul ♥

baby, come close to me bcos i miss you.

2009-07-20T21:58:00.006+08:00

IT'S NOT MY NIGHT BEING LONELY VIVIDLY.

tadaa, i know i should be sleeping right now. i can feel my blood rushed into my full-stomach leading to unbridled sleepiness. since im super lonely tonight, so why not spending a little time with my dusty blog. im tired eh, works pilling up. im hoping for popcorn.

i have a melody inside my head since morning and i wrote the note down sudah so im safe. :D
bah sudah, im sleepy. goodnight everyone. FREE HUGS!

2009-07-08T13:23:00.007+08:00

*thumbs up
nice work, i didnt attend schools today due to waking up late and guess what? i love it. :p. i think imma do it again tomorrow. yes? :p neah, it doesnt matter anyway. my school has been way spooky somehow with that quarantine area nearby the canteen with tables and chairs similar to a unofficial classroom. and everytime i passed that area, i always have this imaginary things swooping to my mind like im there having my ass glued to the chair being quarantine forever from everyone with my face looks soo much paler as a person, running nose, sore eyes and etc etc. im such a durrr-brain. :p To be worst, that checking temperature every morning is also making an avalanche of fear hitting me continously. its been two days of schools since the holidays and every the checking temperature time, i had to sit down first to warm myself up or sort, whatever they say i still feel the knot of tight inside my stomach. seriously this H1N1 is more serious than i ever thought. :/ i wonder what homeworks being given to us this morning because currently every teacher stepping into our class will definitely bring a bunch of papers with them for us incase for any holidays again next week.

i want to share something, i retrieve open all my pendrives and found this

1st pendrive

2nd pendrive

3th pendrive

4th pendrive

5th pendrive

6th pendrive

dont you just love monochrome? :) its my escape from the world.

i'm lucky to have you, i never want to lose you.

2009-07-07T09:40:00.003+08:00

i love you, sweetheart. i always do. - icky

muara,

2009-07-03T14:36:00.004+08:00

p/s : i choose these pictures randomly. so its not the best picture.

i try my very best not to do my homeworks but i did. i rather spend my time reading novels actually, knowing other people's life rather than myself cos you know, sometimes our life is not as what we want it to be. some missing, some perfect, some totally apart and when we read books and we understand every word of it, we began to feel happy, spirited to life, to achieve what we exactly into in. its true, the saying "stop dreaming, its reality" but does reality does no happiness? does reality always ended up with glory? or reality does us the other way round. its up to you actually of how your brain works. as for me, i'll be having my own world when im reading books. it just keep me calm nevertheless.

have to go, muara fellows.

birthday. thanks

2009-06-27T10:53:00.007+08:00

just to update. Its my birthday today. yada yada yada. and last night was %^I*@^% awesome. last night i went downstairs without knowing i was actually making the surprise plan running flawlessly easier. so yeah, si kaky and me biasalah gossipping about her "gambler" :p then at one moment, she glanced to her watch and says "pukul 8, ready saja". i didnt mind as she said it was about her favourite movie. pandailah kau. =p *tendang. then BOOOM, someone's car rushed in, it was harry, icky's bandmate and zat, the vocalist and someone else (i barely noticed that guy :p). i didnt recognised him at the first place as his hair was way longer than mine. honestly, i was terrified to see guys coming to our house walking through with an evil smile on their face. seriously it was drooling a butterfly inside my stomach. not just a butterfly, it was butterflies. however,it made my day vividly :) thankyou baby. i can save a smile on my face for like another decade now. heee. and oh yeah, that was for 2009. he also organised something for me last year 2008. but that time i was too keen to update my blog. so yeah, here's the picture of 2008.

last year, one of his friends went home to Brunei because of some family things going on. so icky decided to buy me that big teddybear, i guess, its bigger than me. :p and a cake. heeee. :D thank you hunn. i love you too much. :)

2009-06-24T23:35:00.002+08:00

hols, don't end soon. i want to sing!

you me

2009-06-24T23:20:00.005+08:00

i got loads of thing inside my head tonight, but it keeps altering that i cant even retrieve one of them. my birthday is soon, i dont want to turn seventeen, i dont think i like to spend a year with that number yet i dont like turning eighteen either. its too old. i've grown bigger already which means my responsibility is growing bigger and bigger. there's too much things that i want to do in my life. too much till it crosses the life age. i just hope i can make my parents happy enough and the loving ones. :)

adios, icky is home anytime soon. :D

2009-06-07T11:41:00.008+08:00

YOU AND ME, ONE YEARLOVE
♥

its been a year now baby. :) the time flown soo fast that i didnt realise how our hearts intertwine as i've been busy longing for a day when i'll dream of you beside me no more, when your hand lingers with mine for real and when the sight of you arouses all my senses. :') swear to god, i miss you. and its not the same miss that i felt all these days.
on the 24th june' 08, the farewell day brunei's airport. i still remember the look on your face when i still ask the same question over and over again even you were standing with your luggages in front of me. "are you really going to leave?", yes indeed and im sorry for that question baby, i just cant cheat my own heart to ask you that. and again you just brushed my hair and say sorry to me faintly. nevertheless, it didnt hurt me when i heard your answer that day maybe because i was strong enough to bade for farewell but when the moment came upon, you opened the door and glanced for another sight to us and that hurts. i felt something inside me. a feeling, a feeling that go against me. A feeling i thought a fiction. it screamed words till i barely hear, i know i just have to let you go. Your laugh, your sweet voice, a picture of you in my mind all of sudden lingers in me and the door closed, that was when i just realised the sight of you no more, you were really going. my blood throbbing through my ears with tears resulting blurr sightness. A promise that i made not to cry a tear for you that time seems nothing entirely. and i whispered, "baby whether its wrong or right, i'll wait for you......" :')

i cried silently on my way home. the sight of people seeing me seems to be the last i concerned about in the whole universe. suddenly, " i dont want to miss a thing by Aerosmith" drawn my attention. i grabbed the fone as i knew it was you. you rang me eventhough you were supposed to switch off your fone and you were on the board that time. with masculinity you say, "i'll find a way to contact you there, surely i will. dont doubt that" only god knows how i happy i am that time.

and here we are, seeing each other 24hours without secrets between us eventhough we can only talk and see each other. it doesnt matter and the outnumbered saying "it wont lasts" of people towards love distance that has been encircle my mind since then vividly seems nothing to us. matter of fact, our love seems to grow endlessly between us day by day. with his jokes, his voice, his sight, his smile inside my room completes me, throwing away the dullness of my room, the black-white me. Eventhough it seems to be crazy talking to the laptop everyday and sleeping with a laptop beside me. i dont mind as long as he's with me. foremost, he loves me. :') and baby, i love you too.

i have something for you.

tears in my eyes, you on my mind, love in my heart and oceans in between but still.....
I LOVE YOU

2009-06-02T12:12:00.005+08:00

dramatically, i've been burrowing my nose into books this lately. for like months? oh please, serves me right! im soo in need of holidays but apparently i'll be facing another decade for my exams to end literally. tomorrow afternoon, the addmaths paper, two till four. swear to god, i've always wanted to say NO to these but fatally im having this sort a i-love-addmaths part of me pop out and lowered an offer to help. yikes! so far the exams papers were fine excluding my malay papers. since when i face difficulties in doing my karangan? well i guess the malay paper didnt love me that much. :p i miss my muara fellow. its been a while i didnt join to muara due to my luxuriant exams and i havent got guts to even update this blog. nyeh, who cares? i would only update my blog whenever the free times rolling into me. speaking of rolling, i had a dream of being rikishi. you know that glowing wrestlers. i know he's hot right? :D i've always love him. haha. i used to watch WWF or even WWE during my childhood. babah loves wrestling and me, i think its in my blood sudah. yatah a double-manifold love towards wrestling. :p idk, i just love to see them quarreling hardly. thinking of it, its useless plang because they spent their time seeking for a good stamina and gather this overwhelmed who-has-the-most-muscular-body look just to get a belt. A BELT. another word, its a HAND-MADE BELT. well maybe i got no words about the belt and for me still they are almost likely to dig their own graves when they are up the stage stretching their muscles. neah, they do it for passion or maybe fame. i better keep my nose out of it else rikishi will bump his ass to me. :p i can imagine that, a flatten, lack of thick, low density spotlight of me. :D or maybe it can be a new way for getting rid of fats. LADIES! :D

this is who im talking about. :D

darling, please be awake anytime soon. i miss you. you've been sleeping like whole days. 6th june 2009 is around the corner baby. :) then we'll have a year anniv. how i wish you're in brunei soon. here, in my arms. oh boy, iloveyou till the end.

2009-05-10T12:07:00.008+08:00

im currently listening to saxofone rhythm. swear to god, im HOOK INTO them. there's so much things to learn about musics though. not just labelling as "mahn, i love musics" or even "musics is my life" not that. its something precious to learn about. something that brings our head high up the sky with a glowing honour. people who alters natural sounds into a beautiful work of art indeed attracts soo much attention nowadays and its the right thing to do. and natural is the most invulnerable exuberant art from the earth. but despite it, when musics brings about it, your eardrum will vibrates clamly i guarantee you. :) all your problems will seems to disappear. your overwhelming anger inside will vanished bit by bit. if you can just feel the rhythm flowing inside you like the rain trickling down your body softly. yada yada! its a pleasure feeling i would say and i would die for it. :p

makes you go this way. :D

i got a phrase for you baby and this is the secret that i told you about.

"GUYS ARE JUST LIKE A MASCARA, THEY WOULD GO AS TEARS COMES IN BETWEEN BUT YOU ARE MY WATERPROOF MASCARA BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BY MY SIDE. :)"

2009-05-06T22:06:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 11th MONTHSARY sugar.

specially dedicated to you baby of course. you'll always be the perfect friend to me. :) whenever i fall or im high up the sky.all throughout the 11th months is absolutely amazing with 24/7 webcam on, well i dont mind as long as i can see you love and im longing for more years
anniversary with you ahead.

ABDUL ICKY ♥
you are the pasta to my macaroni.

2009-05-04T20:16:00.011+08:00

these pictures were supposed to be posted last thursday but i was busy with my own work to comfort myself with my overwhelmed desires to sleep. sleep = heaven.

birthday girl. darling hasha.

he doesnt love me anymore. :( danish, my extra-ordinary boyfriend.
***********

yesterday was a big day for Hadi and Gmah. i would rather say, one visual extra-miracle day of all. the day when a bond between two person glowing like there's no tomorrow ahead. but unfortunate me, i picked out the wrong tudong yang mahu turun turun saja. you should have see me while im eating. *annoyed. i edited two pictures saja. masa tidak mengizinkan.

i love this picture the most. icky's family, to bad you werent there sugar, we talked
about you a lot AND its a secret between us. :D

GMAH! i can hear your heart beats faster and faster. :p

look icky's dad with a perfect purple cara melayu. :D

i can almost hear she says "mama, mahu bicu" a.k.a lipstick. :p

2009-04-20T23:27:00.003+08:00

more TEAU. i meoww kamu. :p im having an adrenaline rush currently without reasons. and a new word from a friend. FUNDAMENTAL means FUN but mental. is it? aku lupa eh! haha.

2009-04-20T23:05:00.003+08:00

was doing my very un-updated, untouched dusty computer project when suddenly i found these. i laughed my ass off remembering what we did during this class. :p HUSH! hanya kami yang tahu. :D

sneaky eyes. :p

i love monochrome indeed. how i wish i have a monochrome sights but no ehh, i love colourful better nowadays. :)

2009-04-14T06:41:00.006+08:00

here are some pictures that i'd like to share. i just got my new camera Nikon D40 last week and yeaaa, tried it and trying to learn how to shoot photograph =) ignore the noise and yeah, enjoy.

booooobooo.

2009-04-10T20:24:00.005+08:00

i look terribly different here hence i uploaded it. :p its an ancient picture though nevertheless i kinda like it.

i know ky, i know. :p no objection, later ku ambil impact mu! :p mari tah.

look at me without teman, oh yes. my family having dinner with the kaky's boyfriend and girl si abang and me? with my darn skirt. :p i still remember the look on their face as pale as a chalk during the dinner. :p have a bless!

thursday night went well despite the discomfort of the waggling skirts that night. it felt as if without purpose i suddenly left my pants off somewhere and walk with an overwhelmed confidence in me. :p moreover its been a while since i wore them. there's not much in brunei for these formal outfits though. however that night someone did motivate me to wear them. oh yes you! boy, iloveyou. somehow he got this good taste on outfits. nowadays i tend to wear outfits with his approval :D im glad to have you sugar. and yes, you shouldnt feel jealous or sort about last night. it was nothing. we are ought to have some more of that night ahead and of course with you by my side. :)

bah im off, i got english oral due to june's exam this monday. madness! =/
luck, please come around. i hope my examiners wont question me a lot.

2009-04-06T19:06:00.003+08:00

happy 10th months baby. how i wish for an hour with you tonight. :) come home brunei soon!

Our first glance is priceless to me. ♥

2009-04-03T10:54:00.005+08:00

CIRCUITOUS WAY.
im tired ehh. look at me with a mole on my right cheek crumbling through
words. *sigh, im having addmaths papers this monday and at the same time i have to get ready for tomorrow exam and i also have to get ready with my chemistry question to ask sir alai arah tuition this coming sunday. to make things worst, i also have to get ready questions to ask teacher later at tuition class about chemistry before my exams next week. the reason is, this is my final revision with them and with miss annie for my chemistry. i could have meet miss annie plang about the chemistry but this one just in case i missed it, if i did ask sir alai, i'll stil ask miss annie plang but then if i missed it, i still have backup right? because i got a very limited time starting next week. so yeahh and i also have to do research on sensors because straight after the exam ends ada presentation about that. and unfortunately exam ends on the 18th april which is on saturday. then on the next monday, there's a computer class and tadaa, presentation. plus again, im having my english oral for june on the afternoon 14th after i sit for my english mid-year paper. my malay oral will be held on the 27th april. meanwhile, i also have to do revision for my june's papers. june's exam starts 12th may. i'll be having eight out of nine subjects for that exam. i exclude my computer's papers because of the project. if i take computers for june, i'll be having mental breakdown ituu. :p then i also have to give them a rythm until i sit for my quallifying somewhere around august. then finally O's exam in october. i hope there aint any mole bulging on my face lagi. :/ if there is, let it be flat please. :p

enough is enough. THIS IS MADNESS!

2009-03-30T19:17:00.007+08:00

i miss all the things that i normally do. :')

messing up

sleeping. oh yes, this is heaven

friends.

friends

:')

lalalalala

2009-03-30T18:57:00.002+08:00

im currently listening to stevie hoang's song btw. he's seriously madness, i love all of his song. credit to icky for introducing him to me. :D i something something you okay? this is madness, my exam is around the corner hence i didnt do the updating, instead all i do, musics and study and i seriously hate it. i envy those students which spend their time studying for like whole day. they have this i-love-studying attitude which i dont. its true you know, i tend to do something else whenever i have free time which i should be doing my revision. but ada saja tah tu, TV got me lah, downloading musics lah, online games lah, sophie kinsella lah like now. i should be doing my computer studies revision. madness! and at the end, i'll be rushing just to cover all the task in my timetable that i set up for that day but then postponed again to the next day. and this sort of delight attitude that i have repeated over and over again. how heaven for me. *spread wings.

i have this inside my mind.

anyone can do that, its just the matter of
you doing it with your heart or your rowdiness. =)

do envy it dear, but there's aint any cost for you to duplicate.

i malas

2009-03-16T19:53:00.002+08:00

i think im going mad already. a miserable year, yes indeed. i miss blogging, i miss stalking, i miss pictures manipulation, i miss to read novels, i miss si kaky's mutters everytime i tiptoed towards her and all of sudden shout straight to her ear. i miss to free my dad's pigeon to fly away. i miss everything that i usually do before these, they're all been replaced by doing paperworks, down the head to the books, flipping the books from cover to cover, calculating this and that. THIS IS MADNESS. even during the PTM last friday, all the teacher were like, pushing us right and left, whispering to our ears that this subject is the most important subject among the rest. even MIB i reckon. weh, officially i have this i-am-tired attitude. for more, i have this i-need-to-sleep attitude, sleeping is a very good way of studying. :p yes? yes? *yawn. my knees ache, my eyes are squinty, my fingers sore because of papercuts i guess. i dont really sure where did i get this cuts from. i need sleep indeed. :/

my favourite conversation about the iron filings today.
me: care to taste them xiang jun?
xiang jun: neahh, you girls are more likely to need them after your menstruation process.

TURN OFF THE LIGHT!
its beyond your imagination.

2009-03-14T09:19:00.004+08:00

kepada peminat2 di luar sana, saya ingin mengumumkan bahawa anak bulan telah berjaya diselamatkan daripada ancaman binatang2 buas dan sekali lagi dimaklumkan bahawa anak bulan sekarang ini telah ditempatkan di tempat yang selamat daripada segala gangguan mental dan fizikal, mahupun yang hitam atau pun putih.

ok, sebelum kita meneruskan ke rancangan seterusnya, saya ingin memperkenalkan diri saya. terlebih dulu saya ingin mengucapkan setinggi tinggi terima kasih kepada tuan yang empunya blog ane, dengan ucapan, selamat berjuang dalam peperiksaan mu. ku doakan semoga berjaya dalam apa jua bidang yang diceburi. haha apakan. mati eh, out banar. bahh mari tah kita mulakan. *dont worry, dont mind me. haha*

anyway, i will talk about sleep. seriously, i just knew that sleep indeed have its stages. i thot sleep is just sleep. well i do realise that there are different feelings when i am sleeping, like a deep sleep or sleep sleep chicken(sp?) haha. yatahwaa, infact sleeping has 5 stages. can you believe it?

stage 1 is when you are drifted in and out of sleep and it is 10 to 15 minutes right after you fall asleep. this is where you can easily be awaken by something or some noises or anything. the science of sleeping is, the eyes start to move slowly and muscles too.

stage 2 is where the movement of eye eventually stops and brain waves move slower.

stage 2+1 i.e. 3, extremely slow brain waves which is called delta waves are interspersed with smaller, faster waves.

stage 4 is the most extreme of stage 3, even more slower. and these stages 3 and 4 is considered to be a deep sleep, meaning there is no eye movement and brain waves. and i assure you, there is nothing can wake you up that easy, even if there is someone shouting at your ears with their mouth wide open. but one thing, blow their ears! haha pakan.

and the last stage is the REM sleep. which is when it's not abbreviated, rapid eye movement sleep. In the REM period, breathing becomes more rapid, irregular and shallow, eyes jerk rapidly and limb muscles are temporarily paralyzed. Brain waves during this stage increase to levels experienced when a person is awake. Also, heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, males develop erections (wow! i dint know this. waha) and the body loses some of the ability to regulate its temperature. This is the time when most dreams occur, and, if awoken during REM sleep, a person can remember the dreams (pasal atu me slalu bangunkan you time mata you begarak beh 0=]). Most people experience three to five intervals of REM sleep each night.

sorry to talk about sleep cause i am on my way to sleep now and i know it's late. hee. bahh, adiosa seneriota, babai. jumpa lagi di lain rancangan~ BRUNEI SIUK! waha.

p/s: i love you liyana syazwani. =)

autumn season

2009-03-06T20:19:00.003+08:00

too many words to say as if there is no tomorrow ahead. homeworks around me. words, handout, paperwork, project crying to steal my time on them and im endless to know. my books jadi broken-heart because i chose none of them. :p so malas to study though no extra class for bio yesterday and so finally we managed to have a sleeping time constantly. usually we do have a chance though but instead not to sleep before 4. PERFECT! i hate it ehh, i miss the crowdness of schools during 12.30 pm. the feeling of a blast of heat screaming towards my body mixing with the smell of sweat diffuse straight into my nose. to make things worse again, i often got hit like they cant see about my presence there standing above my feet. i know im a tiny girl but at least move your feet from me *rolling eyes. you guys are seriously madness. and oh yes, i promised si kaky to accompany her for movies tomorrow though, since i got no physics class but class till 2.30pm so yeah i should spend time with her, kesian dia being alone in this creepy house full of silent tiptoes. apakan. *ketuk kepala. i better go to sleep, im carrying heavy metal everywhere. :p

TURN OFF THE LIGHT!
its beyond your imagination. :)

a part of me

2009-03-01T10:09:00.003+08:00

ok, this is madness. i had to wake up early today. i have tuition class later around two till five. to make things worst, i also had to pack my things to get ready for the gathering to muara. so yeah, as usual, luggage to tuition. :p i dont mind what my tuition-mates think of me but yes, its madness and agony. too much of homework eh especially on addmaths and maths. teacher susie gave us test last lesson and i forgot almost all my form 4 syllabus. SUPERB. :D so i went home and indirectly spend my time more on addmaths, i love teacher susie indeed. *sobs. teacher ling chin lin said, its good to have much work to do to practise though but i find it very irritating baa if i cant get the answers and and i tend to feel sleepy lagi because of the continous of work but instead i force myself almost everyday. kesian myself ehh. and the thought of june O level is coming really makes myself restless. having parents with high expectation is really OMG. moreover, our school was having a prize giving for the brilliant ex-last year student yesterday morning. we were involved in the hall to give us some sort of motivation and etc. like maigad, i almost cried looking at people's brilliant achievement. i do that you know, having these tears of joy looking towards other people's prosper. really im proud of them. CONGRATS! their brain is made of steel i bet, or they even got microchips with endless storage. or or they got a pump to pump their brain thus bigger space, more words can be stored. yes? lalalalalalalalalalala.

TINY VOICE OF MINE INSIDE.
close your eyes, you'll see your secret dreams.

was that?

2009-03-01T10:00:00.003+08:00

and again. was too busy everyday till i am timeless to blog or even update myself with new pictures. :( how sad. but finally i stole one moment to spend myself on pictures. here they are. more on on my deviantart btw. enjoy!

TURN OFF THE LIGHT!
its beyond your imagination.

2009-02-24T21:30:00.002+08:00

LETHARGY.
im not as strong as what you think. :)
was it you really?

2009-02-24T21:15:00.002+08:00

was it really a wedding? i wonder how a two young bones male and female would handle another new young born bone when they, themselves havent reached their satisfaction of living. living without any big responsibility sitting as a burden in their life. well this is what i thought, keeping one step ahead than anyone else is good but remember managing someone lives is not as easy as what we thought. :)

CONGRATS BTW. *thumbs up.

iloveyou kesungguhan pun

2009-02-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

too much kemboo-est indeed. :D

2009-01-30T19:08:00.002+08:00

im currently undergo a serious headache. its like a high-pitched bang around my head making it swinging continously. seems like i almost can feel the world is moving. plus, those panadol seems not working. and futhermore, i've been sleeping with a huge so-called plaster on my forehead and some tiny tiny shoots not-working plaster around it too. im not saying that im having a fever but it just, feeling of spinning around. like those games at jerudong playground. the one with the clown at the middle, seats which spin around again and again with you inside it. idk how kids would like it, i mean hello. i hate clowns, :p though they're colourful but i hate seeing them. so creepy with a big red nose like tomato and smiling weirdly towards me. i experienced it last year. i dont know why the clowns having a gathering at a jerudong park that night. seems abnormal a lot. after having a play on a game( which i dont really remember), descended and saw a clown smiling smiling like insane. i smiled back not to act polite but im having this one perfect make-to-believe things in my mind. if i just could, push him into the water, splasssshhhhh. then i would prolly be living happily ever after. :p

p/s: sorry if the story seems to be up and down. this headache is killing me!

suicide :p

2009-01-30T17:15:00.005+08:00

DONT LET IT END :) i love kemboo kemboo.

hold on

2009-01-30T16:01:00.004+08:00

fuhh, im busy currently. much more than last year. i have extra classes everyday and will be home around 4. then i got tuition class five times a week. it'll be this way:

MONDAY : extra classes till 3.00pm and tuition class at 5 till 6.15pm
TUESDAY : extra classes till 4.00pm and tuition class at 5 till 7pm
WEDNESDAY : extra classes till 4.00pm and tuition class 5 till 7pm
THURSDAY : extra classes till 3.30pm.
FRIDAY : extra classes of bio again. *i'll update about the time.
SATURDAY : extra classes of 9th nine subject, IRK. and tuition class at 5 till 6.15pm
SUNDAY : tuition class from 2.45 till 5.15pm and as usual gathering to grand's

maigad, *scratched head. cerebrum, please hold on. =p and and i would like to say congrats to those who got 9'o's i envy you guys much. :D you guys are so brilliant.

pernicious thunder go away.

2009-01-19T22:32:00.003+08:00

malevolence thunder. *rub chest. was concentrate doing my work, catching up and trying to get used to the new topic. its hard for me to catch up with the topic in the class nowadays. maybe bcos i tend to be afraid to take a risk. example, reading the question. slightly different than what the teacher showed. then, i'll write my solution without confidence and a frown on my face in pencil just beside the question and then turn my back on it. what i do next is usually, rub it off cos i saw my friend is doing a different thing assuming that my solution is wrong while trying to organize a solution to get the same with her though i see a different concept of evaluation and yes, again assuming their understanding are better than mine and eventually feeling soo small. haha. then then kan, at the end i found out, my the very first solution that i rub off is exactly the same with the answer. haha. and it turned out to be a laugh among us. :p uncool ehh. ouh btw, the thunder tonight were madness. my heart is still beating faster and faster. its so random for me to have this feeling. like the feeling of seeing a lizard passing by on my feet, hell like there's no other way to pass. what do you think my foot is? a zebra crossing? not a chance. madness. skip. sitting alone with musics. barely can hear the surroundings. doing very concentrate on the paper, trying to find the best answer. then in one second all them gone. shoots. bang beng bung. idk why im afraid soo much to thunder. isnt it the nature? isnt that i love nature? but im afraid of thunder. really is. and yes, the same afraid that i have with lizard. *ketuk kepala. i ran outside seeking for a talking living bone and i saw mader and fader in the living room and looking weirdly towards me cos i dont usually go out of my room during the night time. i rather stay in my room politely doing my own work. if i dont have work to do, i'll make one. :p im sure you guys do this too. no? ouh and to make things work more, i also have my kembookemboo to complete me back. :) pieces into one.

a life with addmaths.

2009-01-12T17:11:00.003+08:00

today has been a real madness as the addmaths class on the last two periods then continue with the extra class of it again. taught the new topic with some examples and i nodded showing the expression i understood. i do understand, really am but but when it comes to do them by myself, ada tia this this mental block. :/ shoots. siapa invented addmaths nie kan? applause to whom got an 'A' for their addmaths in 'O's exam. i wonder what you guys brains are made of. :p sungguh ku terluka kerana cemburu. *ketuk kepala. like abis jua sudah nie utak di ruah. i sometimes even blame the question tah plang. kinda like the question atuu lah yg salah. hence inda dapat solve. yes? :D ohh yeahh.

now i have to add something to my wish list which is an automatic calculator for addmaths where we just have to enter the question and have the whole working. :p HEAVEN bah ituuuu.

2009-01-07T20:56:00.005+08:00

YOU, LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE COPYING ME. :)

BE YOURSELF, WILL YOU? BTW, YOU ARE YOU?
MADNESS. :D

2009-01-06T13:39:00.002+08:00

damn it, wasnt it? i know. :) disappointed sungguh.

kaky mu, kaky ku jua

2009-01-05T20:58:00.005+08:00

LYEA ES FOR YOU.
happy schooling everybody! ouhh btw, im not a NERD.
*simpan bomb in ur shirts and lariiiiiiiii.

the 2009. new born year. (a)

2009-01-05T20:14:00.008+08:00

here it is, 2009. *sigh. i hope it'll be more better than last year. last year not that bad actually.
was it? as in :
1. i found out chipmunk is really adorable.
2. starting to love brushes.
3. i made the name Lyea ES for you.
4. the crayons and the balloons starting to envy me. or the other way round. =p
5. i love human body parts.
6. i've watched a woman delivery a new born baby in youtube. *spank my head and lariiiiiii.
7. i found a bad thing about me such as sleepyhead, chewing the straw while drinking. arghhh. i'll try to reduce them this year just IF i can.
8. i dont care where my fone is.
9. i met icky. =)
10. i fell in love with teadore and i lost him. p/s: its a hamster. =p
11. i got three tahkta. haha.
12. twin tower is actually boring and expensive but shoots, lawa.
13. everything that i demand during my childhood are finally accomplished.
14. most of my cyber friends labelled me by the rings that i wear. weird isnt it? they met me and said "this is lyea right bcos ur ring, i saw it in most of ur pictures" ouhhhkk. :D nice to know that.
15. the name OG =) get well soon my dear. stop doing things that damage yourself.
16. i get to know myself evenmore, what i want, what i tend to be. my deepest feeling . im starting to know that im not described anymore as the poem that i made the years before. it sounds this way:

there grow a garden in the sky. in my dreams thats where i fly to collect a fascinating flower soft and sweet with a delicate colour. it never fails to make me smile even if im only there for a while and im the only one who has the colour of monochrome in the middle of the colourful garden. i am not saddened i must say for when i wake up i soon shall know, i shall be the small one. =)

p/s: i think i wrote this in 2005. in form one i supposed.
and today i woke up in the morning, realising that i have soo much responsibility in the future and trying so hard not taking them as my burden. though i have parents, friends to catch me when i fall, i shall prevent myself from falling, losing myself away. i've flown away enough, i have to build back my dreams and cover my sight with it. have you ever feel when you actually see that object, it looks really near to you and you're trying to catch it but eventually there's something or someone that stands in ur way?

darn

2009-01-03T18:12:00.003+08:00

new year 2009. important year of all. the year which leads me to my dreams. i'll blog very random from now onwards. :)

ho ho ho. merry christmas!

2009-01-03T15:30:00.008+08:00

IBS GATHERING.
and again, too busy. these are the pictures of 25th dec.

i love my family indeed. IBS. :)

kaky, i love this one. haha!

okay and again. this is madness. from distances, there's a pink guy walking towards me with a pack of ice, pink pants along with his shoes. haha. waff bazilien. applause for his braveness. haha
abnormal sungguh. :p

nice isnt it? it took me a while to finally catch this shot. :D

seems like she's having a pain. wasnt she? haha! :D i was the last person to be able to climb up that tree. shoot! haha. it was high above my head kali uhh. madness.

and yes, i have accomplish the unusual things. i stopped to notice what you tend to ignore. look around you and open up yourself and appreciate what a beautiful world we live in. nature is happening around us. isnt it? :D i love the view eh.

nice old mates

2008-12-24T23:33:00.003+08:00

ouhh and btw. i met jalillah. my very old primary school classmate. too bad i dont have any of her pics. well duhh, it was a primary school. dont expect me to have a fone with a camera during that time. zaman takiding kali uhh. haha. sorry i stole ur line melur. :p iloveyou. haha. and and i found my very old besfriend too. with the name YAHHHH. haha. its kamaliah bte azri. hey, i still remember ur full name darls. ouh my, i miss them soo much. ouhh and btw yahhh, you still remember this?? :D open ur eyes wide

haha. swear to god, i miss you! :D

madness.

2008-12-24T22:59:00.003+08:00

mahn, this is madness. i need a massage right now. have you ever experience like a huge stone is clinging at ur back or like a thick wall leaning against you while all you have to do is let it be and carry it everywhere you go? im feeling it right now ehh. haha! ouhh btw, share something with you. went outing today. macam apa brunei uhh. panuh waa sana sini urg shopping. i knew today wasnt the right day for shopping. -_- but what to do? im just a human being with no courage at all to power the world for an icecream. crap ehh. ouhh yeahh, i was stucked tadi looking at this guy with his super cool camera canon EOS 450D smiling towards a screen. and you want to know whats on the screen? IKLAN BRA. haha! benar! the one yg usually arh hua ho uhh, arh bra section. you can find it around hua ho kiulap and yayasan i think. i know lah the model bra lah kan? of course lah. haha. apakan. and moreover we've been watching him since far away kingdom bah. till we passed by him, still his eyes didnt even move an inch. like seriously maigad! well he's a tourist plang so im guessing that he had never find that kind of madness in his country. *applause to brunei. haha! but you know what? that makes me 100% sure he's a guy. haha. banar jua tuu. those mixed gender wont do that. they would probably said "no class" *flips hair. haha! shut up!

unsightly

2008-12-22T19:59:00.002+08:00

the initial of lyea ES. one kind of discernment, ability to keep the paper white. even if you wrote something on it and dip it into stain, still it obvious to see a white untouch paper. even if you happen to hear something from me or i happen to say my feelings to you, it doesnt mean that you know me very well more than i do. i know, i know sometimes i go unbridled to myself. i see all the right things wrongly with no one can change it. and sometimes i do need a friend to talk to but instead i go very active and talk whatever i want to someone that i dont know but somehow i talk more on my outside but not my inside. sometimes, i feel a burden keeping all my words deep inside me cos really i just dont feel like i want them to go out. not this time. but one thing for sure, what i've been showing you the outside is fully tested by the inside me.

p/s : whole these are such an uphill, find the format to search for the story inside me. =)

2008-12-22T17:44:00.010+08:00

THE IBS GATHERING DAY.

* muzium technology.
* royal regalia.
* makam sultan Sharif Ali.
* bumbungan kota batu.
* doa selamat around lambak.

in one day indeed. went home, bed in sight and dozed off till the next day afternoon. haha! i'll just post the pictures ehh.

i love you mother and father. =p

makam sharif ali.

the look of the tiredness.

i saw this one. my heaven. katil. haha!

this is madness.

the friend of that day

2008-12-16T19:59:00.001+08:00

ouhh and almost forgot. our angelina polie was there too. well duhh. and she did a really good job by rolling the ball not forward but backward. haha! and i was like o_0 this seeing the ball rolling across my feet while im sitting merrily waiting so relax behind her. haha! sokay kyyy, i akan tetap menyayangimu.

and she breaks her nails bcos of that. haha! bless you kyyy.

a family day.

2008-12-16T19:32:00.002+08:00

been a family day recently. went for bowling and what else? gadong, dinner, jokes and and the beauty part is got a chance to go to bumbungan where my aunt works. jauuuuuuhhhh uhh. you know why i like it? bcos sana ada the drinking machine uhh. i love to play with it. idk why but its fun to enter money inside and click whatever type of drink you want and then "boom boom bup bubb dupp". ada minuman di bawaahh. haha. okay okay, i AM normal but it just joy me a lot. *pasang wings. dulu ada at jerudong park uhh. but i wasnt allow to click it. you know why? to short. haha. kurg asam. just that, it was long time ago. nowadays, people dont do jerudong park lagi and so the drinking machine menyamal. too bad.

TEADORE, we want you.

2008-12-16T19:06:00.004+08:00

TEADORE.
i miss him. ='/ we lost him around our house and been searching for him for days but still missing. i miss playing with his butt really.

his favourite one, cheese cake.

baby, i miss you. where have you been? i wonder where you are. afraid that you escaped into the outside world. no way! the outside world is full of crudeness baby. snakes may eat you alive, cats may toy you. i wonder what would you have for ur dinner tonight. he's different from any other hamster. he becomes really active just like me every night. he eats my favourite fruit loops snack just like me and usually he eats the red-pink one only, nothing else. i gave him the green one but he turned around and beg me for the pink one, so im guessing that he loves pink too just like i do. how i wish to hire the LOS and FAUN to find you. *sigh. stop playing hide and seek with us please. we miss you. ='/ and f course we want you back please. i'll wait for you here with a dozen of cheese cake like what you always wanted for. so please, do come.

cousins, the twilight of my life

2008-12-09T23:17:00.004+08:00

THE DAY OF ENJOYMENT AND IN ANOTHER WORD IS
"THIS IS MADNESS"

i love all the pictures bcos im in the middle. haha.

petty, me and kaky.

ky, i sayang you selamanya. haha!

hahaha! an interruption erul! nice, wont take you gadong lagi nie. haha!

we are not emo, just being emotional bcos of the background song, saat terakhir by st12.
eeeeeee.

okay, this is so uncool. haha. and again "this is madness" haha. well, shame on me ehh. i promised them to put this picture into my blog. haha. *geleng kepala. madness madness. and now, me myself is beyond my normal level. haha.

these cute things is done by wiwi. haha! which represent her family. cute isnt it? :D ily wii.

i love you aunty

2008-12-09T21:48:00.001+08:00

i love them. =) thanks for sending this by mms aunty. i appreciate it a lot.

2008-12-09T21:16:00.002+08:00

seriously MAIGAD! i dont think you're normal babe. haha!
its qaw and teen. you know her with a long long long unspeakable long curly hair and
qaww just played with it. rasa waa kau tuu. haha. ouh speaking of teen, know what? if i had a hair like her. JUST IF i had, *please dont give me that hair. i'll make it bald straight away. haaha. not that i hate it, well i think i do. haha. neahh, its just i think making a mop to clean the floor by that hair would much more worth it, isnt it? rather than keeping it longer. haha. look at it, buleh buat two mops waa tu. haha. maigad, teen iloveyou. heee

whats wrong with my smile?

angelina jolie's type

2008-12-09T19:55:00.004+08:00

okay umm, too much i wanted to share and in the end nothing at all. *blink eyes laju laju. ouh btw, i caught "angelina jolie" in our house last afternoon. she was eating pineapple but then screaming out aloud looking her own reflection inside the mirror. her lips was soo close with angelina jolie that we call her angelina polie instead. yes kaky? hahaha. another embarrassment for you. haha! seriously you talked craps by that lips. and plus you look like a chinese girl with a black girl lips. and you look hot, i think *cabut cabut my wings. haha. i hope it'll stay with you forever. boohoo. mcam kana gigit bee or beeees. haha. ohh kaky pencuci cermin kamarku.

look at her, i meant the REAL angelina jolie. i love her bcos of her perfection but i hate her for ruining my further life or should i say fantasy life with brad pitt. *imagining. ohh begitu indah. haha. *lastik lastik hidung.

lalala.

2008-12-09T18:53:00.004+08:00

okay, requested by friends. more pictures on my house plan. =)
using CAD btw.

i crave for a firefly eh.

2008-12-06T14:12:00.002+08:00

look at me, A LAME THAILAND GIRL, a friend said indeed. and im proud to be one. wheeee. sawakap sawakap. liaaaaaaaawwww prappun pitt. (a)

a family worth my whole life.

2008-12-06T13:59:00.003+08:00

my lips looks like my toes. haha.

where did kaky goes?

sokay the. mr span bub is willing to stay with me.

the lame side of me will never ever be wash away.

si dia lah pemusnah hidupku dikala ku sunyi. haha. kyyy, aku
mahu dirimu sebagai pencuci cermin kamar kuuuuu!!

brad pitt is my passion of LOVE

2008-12-03T20:11:00.006+08:00

great! had a heavy dinner tonight. i feel like my tummy is about to burst itself. like all my ileum is stretching with each other for spaces which then my colon is pushed against the wall of my tummy and the pancreas had to increase its height for more space leads my stomach too. thus, my inhaled air turn back and became an exhaled air. stop the imagination! nyehh, im getting lame and lame nowadays. im bored and so i just having a date with books saja. nyeh, night is getting longer and longer. didnt they? sleep early today ehh. haha. since i got nothing to do. =p big sleepyhead. well,as usual every end year season. being IDLE is totally my hobby. spending time with surfing, books, EAT(most of the time), sleep (totally) haha. nice life. ***shooting the stars tonight but missed out instead shoot uncle willy's head. haha. lame! lame! i tend to be hyper saja everynight ok? thats all. =)

twilight, you got my full desire. i swear to god, the hero is awesome, muscular, cool, well, all im saying is he is perfect for a guy. *heart beats faster and faster. haha. no no, i have to be loyal to BRAD PITT really is. *flips hair. tarataratara DRAKULAT!

would you please be mine? well, i know you're mine from the start though. haha. maigad lyea!
i couldnt find any imperfection in you my dear. *melts. =p see how confident he is, standing with hands in his pocket. im feeling or imagining instead. -_- i was hugging his arms, playing with his baby hair and seriously beg him to be mine. haha. i swear, im willing to plead just to be with him. *finally evaporate after melting. =p

2008-12-03T20:05:00.002+08:00

write your FULL name with your elbow. No backspacing.Tag 10 people to do this.

liyana syazwani bte sabli

eheh, i got all of it correct! haha. nice nice nice, looks like im gonna type using my elbow starting today. haha. nadalah, later pressure saja. useless. and and as usual, malas tag. =p

2008-12-03T19:45:00.001+08:00

**You know you live in 2008 when...
1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics.
2. You havent played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/MSN/Face Book or YouTube, lol ok...
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
9. You were too busy to notice number five.
10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.
12. Put this in your profile if you fell for it. You know you did..
.**** I'm the best that ever did it

solo life. and be one.

2008-12-03T13:45:00.002+08:00

im loving my single life badly. made new friends and outing alone, hmphh i think im starting to like that way. wheee. =) no embarrassment happen
today neither yesterday. had a really nice day. peaceful and vintage. imma continue surfing
about the brain later. believe it or not, im trying to seek more information about brain
and bermuda triangle later. =D

morbid me.

2008-12-02T10:54:00.002+08:00

i dont feel like i wanna know facts right now. all the words inside me burst out today and me, i feel awful, embarrassment, tribulation, torture, curious, happiness and yes they are all calling my name and i truckle to know about them. i have the feeling of running lifelessly nowadays.
i hold my hallucination with my fully halfwitted and im into it. dont mind me,
NIM wont make me disturb you at all. i'd rather go make myself even smaller.

im feeling the view of cinema also in my mind. =) kaky! lets go gadong today ehh!

2008-12-01T18:22:00.002+08:00

maigad, im bored and im sleepy but i dont think i wanna sleep. i have the feeling to watch twilight currently and and the feeling of sleeping again. i may have dozed off in 3, 2, 1, 0.5........

leisure time again.

2008-12-01T18:07:00.002+08:00

OPULENCE OF MY LIFE.

old version of us. myy, me and chaa. CANDELICS FRIENDS

my baby. heee. her name is darling. no negative thinking, she's my favourite
cousin tapi pemarah nya nauzubillah. haha.

me, darling and pearl.

effa, phat, chaa and me. =) swear to god, i love them

Lyea ES for you.

2008-11-30T14:20:00.003+08:00

leisure time hence i took these picture while waiting for them to get done.

i dont mind what you're gonna say. cos i feel sexy with this effect. =)

Lyea ES for you

2008-11-29T18:08:00.003+08:00

look, at these peacock. =) and envy their beauty just like i do.

wopsee, hahaha. you can almost hear it says "im a not a peacock but idk why the peacock envy me soo much"

again.

2008-11-29T08:36:00.004+08:00

bestmates, iloveyou. =)

okay, once again. late updating and then came up with the old stories which probably makes you guys bored. haha. went to momoi house last wednesday to rehearse the song. it went by sir teoh "and now performance from 4scienceone student" everybody had a stage fright especially me, just after a day of an embarrassment from the presentation of my house plan then the day after have to perform on the stage to gather some embarrassment again. me as the main singer singing the fantasy song which i dont really know the reason why the song is stuck inside me temptingly with melody.
me says: haiyaaa, alum waaa nie hilang kemaluan ku waa ni bagas kemarin.
hahaha. okay, that was supposed to be a joke. =p i meant rasa malu. cut cut!

updated info.

2008-11-27T20:35:00.005+08:00

though i lost my slideshow minutes before the presentation but i get to win these. :D nice nice. a pendrive and dictionary and a certificate. =) means a lot.

okay this one. maigad, i look totally small on the stage. tiny pony on the stage. haha. okay okay. was doing my advertisement of my house plan on the stage last wednesday. principal asked to btw. she saw my library lounge that i made fof my last assignment which was asked to design the lounge for students in our school. it is an empty room just beside the library and she liked it. unfounded. haha. okay skip skip. i'll post my other home design on this presentation again later ok? ohh btw, the software was fun. 3D home architect, sketchup, autocad 2007, autodesk.

hidup bersama mu sungguh menyeksakan diriku. haha.
growing up a life with you is such a torturing. =p

okay. lets see. an update information for you all. was enough being idle for this week. too much school's activity with panda's eyes and a heavy head every morning. haha. okay. these first two pictures were taken last sunday. with si qaw after doing massaging with him. hahaha. we both love massage ok? and moreover he promised to bring me to the spa. seriously i was like "bini ka laki ea ni" haha. he's my cousin btw. no "misunderstanding matter" again please. well, his name is qawiy btw but i call him qaw and im the only one whom do. *dovetail all my wings* haha. skip skip. share something with you, his mum told me this. when i was about 5 or 6 years old, he loves to play with me which i can hardly remember and im glad. haha. well, excuse me. look at him leaning over me and at least trying to do his sexy moves in front of the camera like "eww sungguh dia" hahaha. nada waa nada waa. nada tia jadi ea bawa spa nie. haha. sayang abg qaw. and oh yeah back to the topic, he loves to play with me till he's willing to take care of me for the rest of my life. haha. cali cali ini qaw. then his mum even told us the words he used. haha. yeah yeah the words. haha. like ini ini. "amit, (which is my mum) wina jgn bawa balik uhh, biar sini. aku janji, aku mahu jaga wina untuk selamanya sampai kami mati" hahha. kami lagi tuu nyaa. haha. i love you qaw jubur. promise to massage me again next weekend.

tagged of amaii

2008-11-24T23:24:00.001+08:00

okay, this is my recent picture. planning to change my clothes but since the rules said no. so yeahh, i didnt. hahaha. thanks to amaii btw. amaii, malas ku tag. hahah

liyana syazwani.

2008-11-24T23:05:00.003+08:00

i found soo many pictures ehh inside my old pen drive. whoaaaa. i cant recall i took these pictures. did i?

my happy time

2008-11-24T22:49:00.002+08:00

my happy time during open house with my ex-classmates.
merekalah penyeri hidupku. *azua said. hahaha

sorry, i cut ur face. ahaha. ily LILY

hyper me

2008-11-24T22:44:00.001+08:00

share some pictures. hahaha. being hyper tonight. too tired to post a long story. so i just let these be as something to update. i'll update soon. no worries

complicated things.

2008-11-22T13:34:00.003+08:00

PHYSICS,
BIOLOGY,
CHEMISTRY,
ADDMATHS,
COMPUTER,
MALAY,
MATHS D,
ENGLISH,
UGAMA(9th)

*no play, all studies. =') i'll make it work. i swear to god. mom, if 80% or 90% above is still not enough for you. i'll do my best again to get 100% for you. =')

2008-11-22T13:21:00.002+08:00

i still remember what sir Bill said to us on his first step to our class. he said, "higher marks, its totally not what i want from you. just do your best then it'll be worth it" and i think i didnt do my best huh??? tell me. i didnt right?? mygod. i dont know. i just dont know. im sorry. im not trying to show off or something here, i just want to let all my bad feelings here rather than yell back to my own parents. rather than to let anger inside. i dont have anyone whom really understand my feeling right now. i dont. idk, i just, im feeling soo blue. i wish mom and dad could hear whisper inside me. im not perfect mum, yes maybe you're right im stupid yes. like you said so. but i promise you this i'll make you proud someday. i'll try at least. im so sorry to make you disappointed with my marks. i'll try to get 100% for you. im so sorry.

my worst day in this entire life.

2008-11-22T10:18:00.003+08:00

my god, i cried all the way through. you know why? everything that i do seems so not right in front of my parents. they're keep pushing me. pushing me and pushing me again and again. they like to mention all the odd things. they never get satisfied with my marks. my god. got 90% for a subject, they scream out aloud to my face. mother went "where's the other 10%?" you know what?? im totally satisfied with it. why? cos i've been working soo hard from cover to cover just to satisfy my parents. so i went home, step into my house and feel happy, big smile on my face that i thought mum and dad would feel happy for me but no. they yelled at me. can you imagine how hard my life is? i know i know. they are keep saying these to me "you are in 4science1, hence you should be better than anyone" yes, i am in 4science one but that totally doesnt mean that i should be the perfect one. they all are demanding me for getting a 100% in all my subject. wth??? what do you think i am?? a robot??? then i got 99%. sama juaaa, kana marahi. maigad. im sorry. idk what am i saying right now. i dont know if i can handle a life like this. everyone, yes everyone is expecting high marks from me. yes way higher. didnt they know how hard it is?? like going to a very dusty, rocky with snakes all over the floor? i didnt sleep well, trying to get information as much as possible inside my head. i pray to god before i do my papers that im doing it just for the sake of my parents, just to make them happy. im carrying a very heavy burden on my shoulders. im just human please. im not that perfect to have all correct answers. arent those 90% above enough for you?? im feeling as if they are putting a heavy stone on my shoulders. i cant imagine how my life is. i know, i know. i admit that. last time. since form 1 2 and 3, it is not possible for me to get 100%. yes yes, it is not possible but now im in a class with all those excellent, brilliant student sitting with me in one room and answering papers that are same like mine. and i got the highest but still my parents said its not that good enough. like MY GOD!!!!!! i just dont know how to explain it.